The Single Most Important Relationship You Should Be Paying Attention To

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Heart to Heart


Dear friends,

I got a question for you: who is your best friend?

Is it one of your childhood friends? Is it your mother/father? Or maybe your sister? Is it maybe someone you met in college or at a point in your life? Or is it rather your spouse?

I was thinking the other day, how blessed I’ve been to have a handful of dear, dear friends, whom I love and trust, and a best friend who reads my mind, finishes my sentences and is there for me without me even asking. Her name is Maria and I’m so grateful to have had her in my life for a couple of years now.

But then I thought more about this idea of friendship, of loyalty and companionship and said to myself:

“I am also my best friend!”

You see, life is what it is, with its good parts, its highs and lows, its turning points and its fair share of hardship & unexpected events. But the one person standing “besides” me, who I could trust and rely on through more than three decades is…myself.

The one person that I am with from sunrise to sundown is myself. I wake up every morning and I look in the mirror and there I am. Always present.

I am the constant of my life.

Diane von Fürstenberg, the famous creator of the equally famous wrap dress, has a beautiful saying on this subject:

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”

In the light of these wise words, I challenged myself and will challenge you as well, to cultivate and to celebrate more of this unique friendship.

Best friends trust each other, have each other’s backs. Best friends use constructive critique instead of harsh, under-the-microscope criticism that will only make you feel small & inadequate.

So, are you with me on this?
Here’s my plan to improve the relationship (read friendship) we have with ourselves.

1// Evaluate the quality of your relationship with yourself.

How does it feel? Is it tense? Broken? Does just the thought of it make you feel uncomfortable?
Once you answer these questions, take action and change what there is to be changed or improved.

2// Start over.

Maybe it’s been a rocky relationship. Maybe you were unfair to yourself and have constantly beat yourself up. It happens.

I’ve done that for a very long time. I used to be (and still am at times) my toughest critic.

I started pointing fingers at myself when no one else even had the intention of questioning something I said or did. That’s that. I didn’t know better at that time, I was young and foolish. And though I am sorry now, I have to accept it as being part of my evolution.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, take this advice from me: start over. Start fresh and rewrite the past.

3// Enjoy more of your company.

When we meet someone new, we begin to invest and to spend time with them, in order to discover who they are and what they’re like. I suggest we do the same in this case.

In this modern era we are always on the go, running on the treadmill of life, constantly surrounded by people, by noise & social media distractions. From a certain point of view, you may even say we avoid being by ourselves, because we fear the intimacy of our own company.

Starting anew with yourself means also spending more time with yourself. Alone, and preferably, in silence.

4// Go easy on yourself.

I see it so very often: wonderful people having the worst relationships with themselves. It’s so sad. It’s like they’re blindfolded. They don’t really see their own worth and end up in dubious, underpaid jobs and/or in bad relationships. They treat themselves like crap, in a way that allows others to treat them like crap too.

So, stop doing that, in case you have been treating yourself badly. I know I’ve done it a million of times. And I regret it a million times more.

5// Self-esteem is key.

I’m not talking about arrogance or selfishness. I’m talking about treating ourselves with respect, with love and appreciation. And more kindness.

It’s not rocket science, it is only a matter of how we perceive ourselves and how much we really value the person we are.

As there is no better time than the present moment, I challenge you today (and myself for that matter), to take a step back and re-evaluate the connection you have with yourself.

Make adjustments if needed, exercise your forgiveness muscle for your previous behavior and start all over again.

You may be surprised to find an amazing person within yourself, a wonderful person worthy of your time, your love and attention.

Namaste, dear friends! Have an amazing afternoon,

Bianca Zen 2
 *image via whitenoten

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